the bump funnies of week 39

week 39

Anxiousness for Olivia's arrival and my new, incredible size at week 39 has spurred some interesting conversations in this second-to-last week (hopefully!) of Olivia's stay in the womb. Can't wait for this little beauty to make her appearance so that talking about her (or with her, in my case) can be a real-life experience... 

Lolly Loves Olivia

Lolly (aka Lauren, my oldest sister's four-year-old daughter): Olivia Olivia I love you so much (kiss kiss kiss of the bump) you are just a little baby (rubbing of the nose on the bump) when are you going to be born, tomorrow?

(Noticing me for the first time, as if I've just encroached on the moment, said in an exasperated tone) Jeni when is Olivia going to be born?!

Me: Hopefully so soon! Maybe in just a few days?

Lolly: Ugh. Fine.

#endofstory #seeyabye

Costco Box Man

Me: May I have this boxed, please? And can you balance the box between the handle of the cart and the top of the little backrest of the seat? 

Box Man (said smiling, not condescendingly): Ohh so you're one of those picky people, aren't you...

Me (smiling back, he obviously can't see, standing behind the register, that I'm great with child): Yes, actually, I am one of those picky pregnant people. 

Box Man: Ohh oh oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see you were pregnant (I step out from behind the register to receive the grocery cart: side view tells all)...oh yeah, okay yeah you are definitely pregnant. I'm really sorry about that. 

Me: No prob! Serious! 

#blesshisheart #classic

Elderly Gentleman (also at Costco, just prior to Box Man convo)

The Gentleman (voice a little shaky with age): Whennn's that little boy going to pop outta there?

Me (considered clarifying the gender assumption, decided against it after weighing the option): Within about 10 days!

The Gentleman (wheeze of laughter): Hallelujah! Just don't give him away...

#promiseiwon't #lovemylittleboy

Walmart Cashier Girl

Cashier Girl: Oh so you're pregnant? When are you due?

Ryan & Me: Next week.

Cashier Girl: Your lives are going to change, do you know that?

Ryan & Me (look at each other, smile): We bet! Do you have any kids?

Cashier Girl: No! I like, don't want to go through the whole poopy diaper thing and the labor, bleh, and the puking! But your lives are SO totally going to change, OH my gosh. 

Ryan & Me (picking up the sack to leave): Yes, they will! We're so excited.

Cashier Girl (literally calling after us): Change change change! Do you know it? Your lives!...

Ryan: For real? My life's going to change? Get out...

#howneatwasthat? #pleasewatchNeaturerightnow

Good times. I can only imagine the incredibly better ones ahead, because although pregnancy clearly has potential to be funny, kids are genuinely hilarious.

#anydaynow